the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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