well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do vagina's smell?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
