I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
