I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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