I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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