they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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