"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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