Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
