Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
