At least make sure they are 18
Why
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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