"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
