your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
