I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
