I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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