You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wear drunk well.
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