You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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