Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
