a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
