I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
