Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
