I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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