I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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