If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
