He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
