adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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