oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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