Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Couch. On fire.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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