Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
