You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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