I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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