Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
