it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They are going to name an STD after you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
