i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
