all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
