So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she smelled like a LAN party
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
