erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
