we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Found your dick twin last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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