mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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