96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize