theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
