the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
