he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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