i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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