You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
