My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
