She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
