You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
