Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
