guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
