He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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