Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
