false alarm. still invincible.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize