No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize