pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
