look no pants
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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