My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
