So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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