I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
