i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
