so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
