Please, let me fuck your mom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
