high people should be assigned attendants
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
