It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize