My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
