Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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